Invoking My Inner Child

Getting back to child's play

In the beginning of my journey to finding my true spiritual self, I was introduced to the soulful understanding of my inner child. In doing the work to regain my mental and spiritual awareness, a beautiful friend offered me these teachings. I realize that now everyone who has entered a yoga class, meditation gathering or spiritual talk has heard of their inner child. It has become somewhat of a mainstream understanding now. I even throw the phrase around at dinner talk now like it is common place. I found much of myself in the practices of invoking my inner child, honoring my inner child's desires and even so much as spent long days of play with my inner child. It wasn't until I started spending the days (and nights) with my sweet baby boy that I began to really look at and feel my inner child as a true part of me and struggling with the understanding that perhaps I really hadn't fully embodied who that beautiful child within really was.

One of the most challenging parts of being a mom (besides nap time, and I'm talking his not mine, because mine are non existent now, but I digress). The most challenging thing as a mom for me is to actually sit down and play with my son. I will admit, I am not that park mom. Parks are lame and boring to me. I get antsy, run my to do list through my head and to sit there feels like wasted time to me. Lord help me! And fortunately I am not at that phase of mommy hood yet regularly. Although living in the city, we have utilized the park to get some wiggles out before bed time. We also have been finding beautiful play time at the beach. I love the beach and find great joy sharing it with my sweet little one. It balances me so easily. Again, I'm off topic!
Welcome to my brain on kid!
 

So back to the whole playing with the child thing. In my unconscious state, it is so annoying to me. I love hanging with him and playing with words and chatting about life and hugs and kisses, but my adult self has been incredibly challenged to have to sit down and play with blocks and such. Again, its like the park thing. I can think of a MILLION things I need to get done, but instead I'm stacking blocks while he knocks them over and puts them in his mouth and the likes of me chanting "duck! Quack Quack" ~ "Mama! Mama!"  ~ "what does the doggie say?!" YEP! All the while my adulting brain is tapping my shoulder reminding me of the list of things I didn't get done during diaper changes, bottle feedings, bottle washing, snack time, rocking down to sleep for nap :: REPEAT!

So here I sit after meditation, or should I say contemplation of how can I play more? How can I be more in love with my child self? How can I slow my brain to enjoy these precious moments? How can I just allow my sweet young thing to arise from within and guide me in this life like a playful child?

Lately I have caught myself using the term in business "square peg, round hole"  As in, I am not forcing anything. I refuse to force a square peg through a round hole. And then tonight I watched my Little D do just that! There went that square block to the round hole. It didn't fit but his wonder of all things included was my greatest teacher! He looked at all the edges, lifted it back up, tried again and then put it in his mouth for further exploration. And it gave me an idea. Instead of rejecting the square peg, how about when it arises near the round hole, I take a look at all the edges of it, give it another chance and then explore it from a different perspective? And in that moment, I might enjoy the playing field of the floor just a little more. In that moment of exploration, I might find a little more exploration of that beautiful little girl in me that use to love swinging at the park and playing on the floor.

Will you join me on the floor for some child's play?
I'll bring the holes if you bring the blocks.
See you on the mat!

Fluidity In Big Life Changes

Oh how my life has changed!

So.................It use to be rose petals and essential oils filling my bath as I would soak my beautifully waxed legs and fresh pedicure leisurely by candle light until I was wrinkled. I would head off to bed and sleep a long slumber waking refreshed and alive. Well, OK! I still get a beautiful slumber as my beautiful baby boy sleeps 11 and 12 hours a night. I know! I don't tell too many that for fear of getting jumped in the parking lot by some exhausted new mommy who hasn't slept in weeks. But that part IS true. We definitely know how to sleep in our house. It's just all the other parts. Like I don't really wake refreshed as I  awake to every little movement and noise he makes along with the stress of all the change keeping me from deep REM. So back to the rose petals. Yeah, there aren't many of those evenings anymore. Mostly because who has time to go buy fresh flowers anymore? Let a lone, dry them perfectly and plan that bath timely with their optimal drying time. Honestly, Sometimes I have to really think if I even took a bath in a day. NO JOKE! If you are a mom, I know you know what I'm saying. I always heard it, but never really knew those women were telling the truth. I honestly thought it was a joke.

So being a mom is pretty easy for me. I know if you just joined me in that last paragraph, you're wondering, "well in what capacity?" Now don't get me wrong, I still struggle with if its a tired cry, a wet cry or a hungry cry, but for the most part, I am good at grooves and we have found our groove somewhat. I am also pretty intuitive to babies needs so I get that part with ease. There are times when I really lose the groove though, or actually lose myself, and I can't see the forest through the trees. But for the most part, I am rocking the mom thing.

Now being a mom and running my business is a different story! Hence my January newsletter hitting you on the very last day possible, my sales tax return in the same manner and my year end accounting was up against the grind. I'm keeping it together, sort of. You see, my business use to BE my baby! And as many know, going from one child to two is the hardest transition. I am finding that I most definitely need a lot of spaciousness in my mind to do both. And the sad part is that while finding that previously mentioned groove, my meditation has suffered. I am just now after three months, getting my space in to sit still and not reply on walking meditations and svasnana time in my public classes to slow my mind. And by "just now" I mean, I actually meditated two days in a row. Woo-Hoo!  Perhaps once the mind slows, the self care will begin to naturally fit in with ease. It has taken a bit of time to get some of that in, but I made a commitment to myself that if I was going to find this balance and embrace this change with grace, I MUST be able to take care of my son with grace, not with a busy mind, a cramped upper back, sore muscles  and imbalance chemistry. Commitment to self is not only the first step to balance, but the most important step.  So last week I had cranial sacral with the amazing Debra Bochinski a massage with the nurturing Arica Ursulich and tomorrow I get to go lay on the table with my intuitive integrative healer Dr. Princetta for an all around integration of body, mind and chemistry. I am so blessed to have such amazing healing people who love me and nurture me so I can better show up for my son and clients.
I know my meditation and self care is the key to finding this mompreneur balance. I also know my tribe is another key. So as my tribe, I ask that you send me a little ju-ju in this department of wholistic life the next time you sit down in your seat. Grateful! Thanks!

I wish for you that you are living with the changes in your life and that you are fluid in your acceptance of that change. And when it shows up unexpected, may you stop and appreciate that moment by stilling your mind and caring for yourself. And trust me, I looked in the mirror as I typed that last statement. I more and more need all that I preach to others. It is such a beautiful thing to recognize that the divine has been guiding me here for so long. And I am REALLY getting it this time. I love the divine! I love you!

I look forward to seeing you on the mat soon. We have been having a lot of fun lately. Because in times of drastic change what better to do than have tons of fun!

In love and light. In groove of change. In fluidity.
Namaste
Jolie

*My favorite blend for a night time bath*
I dont measure anything so drop to your own sense of smell. When I can smell it off the water, I stop. I am also very generous with my essential oils as I view them as medicine. I also use them neat in the water. I am not recommending you do this as some may have a sensitivity. I do not.
 I call this Moon Club. You may buy this at The Apothecary at Nature's Whisper
Lavander
Rose Geranium
Sage

DISCLAIMER: do not use sage or rose geranium if pregnant or lactating. And of course don't hold me liable as I am just sharing the love and am not your doctor!